We are fast approaching the busiest time of year, which should be full of happiness and joy…Right?? If your relationship is going through some turbulence right now then buckle up because if you’re not careful the Christmas season could break you… (And I should know!)
Statistically the busiest time for divorce lawyers is January! I can definitely see why - 2 main reasons really and both normally occur! Across the main festive days it’s busy and stressful and all the frustrating aspects of your partner can become heightened, then when the big day is over you have the down time before you return to work… this is where relationships are seen in a stark light, and the reality of time spent with a partner that holds no connection or chemistry any more can be very difficult to deal with. You basically have way too much time to think about all the faults in the relationship!
A really good idea would be to pre-empt this possible situation. Admit you’re not in your best place in the relationship right now and start to put your ass in gear! Get prepared. Organise the tree, the lights, the presents, the entertainment… discuss certain things but also control certain things. Don’t leave it up to someone else. Be seen to be helpful and perhaps even have a sit down and tell your spouse how much you’d love for this Christmas to be one of the best and look towards the new year to start a fresh…. Positive vibes! Sound like a plan?
The festive period can bring unique challenges for married couples, often amplifying stress points that may already exist in the relationship. Here are some common reasons why couples might struggle during this time:
Financial Stress: The holiday season can be expensive with gifts, travel, decorations, and events. Differing views on budgeting can lead to disagreements, especially if one partner prefers to splurge while the other wants to save. Financial strain can create tension and anxiety, impacting how couples interact.
2. Family Dynamics: Managing extended family expectations is a major stressor. Conflicting obligations around where to spend the holidays, dealing with difficult family members, or navigating family traditions can lead to disagreements. Tensions can rise if one partner feels forced into situations they’re uncomfortable with.
3. Overloaded Schedules: The holiday season often brings a packed calendar of events, from parties to family gatherings, which can leave couples feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. When both partners are drained and constantly on the go, it can lead to a lack of quality time together, potentially causing disconnection or irritability.
4. Unrealistic Expectations: The holidays are often portrayed as a time of perfection and joy, which can put pressure on couples to create a flawless experience. If reality doesn’t meet these high expectations, it can lead to disappointment, blame, and tension. Pressure to make everything "perfect" can create a lot of stress.
5. Parenting Stress: For couples with children, the holidays can bring additional stress around gift-giving, creating memorable experiences, and managing kids’ high expectations. Disagreements on how much to spend or differing views on holiday traditions for children can create conflict between partners.
6. Past Resentments or Unresolved Issues: Spending more time together, especially in high-stress situations, can resurface old conflicts or unresolved issues that may have been pushed aside. Without the usual distractions of work or routines, couples may find it harder to avoid difficult conversations or long-standing frustrations.
7. Pressure to Divide Time Fairly: Many couples struggle with balancing time between their own family traditions and those of each partner’s family. This can be particularly tough if one partner feels more attached to their family’s traditions than the other or if there's pressure to please both sides.
8. Increased Alcohol Consumption: Festive gatherings often include more alcohol than usual, which can sometimes lead to unfiltered conversations, arguments, or regrettable actions. Increased drinking can escalate conflicts or lead to misunderstandings that wouldn’t occur otherwise.
9. Personal Stress or Emotional Triggers: For some people, the holiday season brings sadness, stress, or grief due to past losses, strained family relationships, or memories. If one partner is struggling emotionally, it can affect the couple's ability to enjoy the season together, especially if the other partner is not aware or supportive.
10. Lack of Alone Time: The hustle and bustle of the holiday season can mean very little alone time, especially for introverted couples or those who rely on personal space to recharge. Constant socializing and little time for themselves can cause friction and irritation.
What points hit home with you? Perhaps write them down - get specific. No one likes living in a cold and resentful environment. Be bold and approach your spouse with these pressure points and discuss how you can work on them. Remember you have a legacy to protect and a life to live and it’s never going to be resolved if neither of you talk about it.
Now go out there and get some thoughtful gifts… doesn’t have to be expensive! But something that shows you are thinking…A couples sharing advent calendar maybe? His and her Christmas socks? Funny Christmas jumpers? Cheap and cheerful but gets the festive vibes flowing.
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